Consider this... Quit Yelling at Statues!
by Deborah Nicholls

 creative-writing  mental-health  personal-narrative  poetry  prison-life

Forgiving one self. Why is it so hard to do?
How is it something so simple sounding can
Be so hard and complex? There are things in my life,
Big things, that have happened,Some being my fault, and
Some not. Certain events
With certain outcomes I had
Nothing to do with, but yet
Felt responsible for… It’s
An interesting quandary, one
I’d like to examine out loud,
Out of sheer puzzlement and objectivity,
Forgiving one self seems so
Obvious and telling someone
Else to just “forgive themselves”
Is so easy. But why, as an
Individual, do I have such a
Hard time, just forgiving myself
And letting go? So easy to
Say, so hard to accomplish!

At times, I’ve actually picked
Up baggage (or/garbage) that
Wasn’t even mine (and by baggage
I mean something bad, wrong, broken,
Or heavy ‘an issue’) and I’ve
Found myself traveling great
Distances with it, even though
It continually obscures and intrudes
On everything I do. I will go to
Great lengths to accommodate this
Bulky, oversized luggage, although
I get absolutely nothing positive
Back from it. It serves absolutely
No real purpose, it only pains me,
And when I realize it, when it finally
Becomes clear to me that I’m dragging
This stuff around with me for no reason,
I simply set it down and walk away,
Feeling lighter and free. Unobstructed
And capable, and I wonder if its that
Easy, what took me so long, just to let go?
Something that hurts me makes me
Tired and intolerant, yet I lug it
Around like its an actual appendage!?
How strange is that? Is it that obvious
To others? When I could just set
It down, and leave it, move on? That’s
How I tend to see self-forgiveness.

It’s truly a simple conscious
Act of just letting go of the hurt, the pain
Of something that wasn’t in our control
And never will be. Why should
Someone feel responsible for
Something that’s wrong, that’s
Over, or that’s in the past?
Something that can’t be altered? It’s
Like getting mad at a statue!
What’s the point? And if you
Catch yourself doing it. You’d
Be embarrassed at your own goofiness.

So what is it that makes it so
Hard to forgive ourselves? It’s the
Most valuable present we could
Ever give ourselves, to our loved
Ones, to our futures, and
It’s free, it’s freeing. It’s
A valuable asset that can
pass through for generations. You
can actually give it to
others, by taking for yourself.
Are you hauling baggage around
With you, letting it affect the
Color of your life. Is there a heavy
Issue you lug around that crowds
Your space? Every once in a while
Let it be OK to just set it down and
Walk away. Let it go, just let it be
And see who you can be without it!

You deserve it, I deserve it, your
Kids and family deserve it.
Just know you can’t change
The past, but you can affect
The future. It could be the
Easiest weight you ever lost.
But if you must yell at statues
Don’t be like me and get caught.